FUCK YOU!

I had a fucking good day; in fact, I had a fucking good week after a fucking long time. But you had to fuck it up. You didn't say anything. That's the problem. You shut your pie hole up that I had to hear it from a third person. Is that why I always used to get stared at by the family; your friends? Is that why WE got stared at? Because we were left in the dark that we had to guess why you left? How much pain do you want to cause me? All you ever did was hurt me more and more until there's nothing left. I am left bare and naked and ashamed of where I come from because your whole damn family is the same. I am so ashamed of my own family. If I ever had children in my life, I will never let them know about you - the fact that every damn person in this family only causes pain to everyone around them.

I hate you so much that if I could, I would kill you and bring you back to life only to kill you again. That's how much you hurt me. All this time, I defended you. All this time, I thought they were wrong, but guess what? I'm the fool. I listened to you. I fucking believed in you. And now, I'm just shell-shocked. I can't believe everyone else knows besides us - the very people you should have told long ago. Even with me going over, you still didn't say anything. With me at 19-fucking-years old, you don't think I should know? Were you ever planning on telling us? I guess not. We fucking tolerated your rudeness. We fucking tolerated you. Yeah, sure you'll defend yourself by saying you financially aided us. I wish you didn't bother because I fucking don't anymore. I don't want your money. I don't want to have anything to do with you.

You asked me once whether you should just have left us without turning back. I wished you did. At least back then, I would have a reason to hate you and forget. Now, you just fucked things up so bad you don't even know. I wished you knew about this post, let alone this blog to ponder about why I choose to write it on the fucking world wide web. I was actually planning on posting something happy godamnit. The part where I'm actually back in communication with you. Let me tell you this, it was a fucking waste of yours and my time. You have no way around this. NO-FUCKING-WAY. That question your aunt asked me made me want to turn aroUnd and slap her for what she said. And the whole fucking night, she decides to spill your damn secret. I shouldn't be mad at her. She told me the fucking truth at least. You didn't. I hope you know I don't consider you anything but a fucking bastard that ruined all our lives.