longing to forget...

i am woken up from a pretty rough sleep. i washed my face. we get into the car. it's raining heavily. and were all stuck in a jam because praise the lord, when is it ever NOT jam in friggin' kuala lumpur. as i stare out of the window, water is just gushing into the already clogged drain holes and as i adjust my vision, water droplets from the top of the car is sliding down profusely. when i feel fucked up like how i did today - like how i am right now - i like the rain. it only makes me want to get out of the car and just run under the rain. feeling the rain wash over me is actually what i really like having. water spiralling down your face and your body...it refreshes..it cleanses and it in sure hell will make me feel better. i thought that if i went to see a certain person, A, performing i would feel better. i didnt. the next night, A was also at so and so's birthday party. some girl was just all over him and i just thought to myself. why the hell am i wasting my time on this person? the girl was a kid literally. but i mean seriously..after all that we went through, the only thing he could muster up to say while he was fucking high was "how you've been?" and give me 2 pecks on my cheeks.what the fuck is that? and yet even after all this, i still can't forget the past. i simply can't forget. i can't move on. i can't live. yeah, we do live everyday because we simply have no choice. but deep down inside somewhere within me where no one can get to me, i yearn to forget. at the same time, i long for someone, anyone only because i want to forget. i want to drown out those sorrows but in the end, do i really want to forget it all?