little miss perfect

how do you forget something you don't want to forget? how do you move on with life then? you know, it's like i'm living another life. on the outside, everyone knows me as the girl that's going to be succesful in whatever that she does. nobody pressures me. everyone praises me. but the only problem is i don't see what they see. i am so lost in my life that i can hardly see myself ever being that succesful person they all think of me becoming. what do you do when you're in that position? can somebody tell me...

when the stars go blue...where do you go when youre lonely...i cannot face whatever that is bugging me..i can't face him..but i want to so badly at the same time..when youre longing for something or someone you love or despise all at the same time...what do you do?at times, when i think about it, i want more of it. but then i think of other events, and then i say that it is better this way.. i'm so fickle-minded about those sweet and bitter times that i lose myself in my thoughts..then when i snap out of it, i'm back to my stable composure..but it is only me that knows what really goes on..i'm just not that person everyone thinks i am..i'm not little miss perfect...

don't worry baby

i'm so hooked on joey by concrete blonde and beach boys' don't worry baby - the song from never been kissed - those songs are so good...songs from the 60's, 70's and 80's are all so good i tell you..don't know why people don't like them much anymore!we should play more good music on radios..at least then i might actually listen to it..good music always calms the nerves..don't worry baby....

longing to forget...

i am woken up from a pretty rough sleep. i washed my face. we get into the car. it's raining heavily. and were all stuck in a jam because praise the lord, when is it ever NOT jam in friggin' kuala lumpur. as i stare out of the window, water is just gushing into the already clogged drain holes and as i adjust my vision, water droplets from the top of the car is sliding down profusely. when i feel fucked up like how i did today - like how i am right now - i like the rain. it only makes me want to get out of the car and just run under the rain. feeling the rain wash over me is actually what i really like having. water spiralling down your face and your body...it refreshes..it cleanses and it in sure hell will make me feel better. i thought that if i went to see a certain person, A, performing i would feel better. i didnt. the next night, A was also at so and so's birthday party. some girl was just all over him and i just thought to myself. why the hell am i wasting my time on this person? the girl was a kid literally. but i mean seriously..after all that we went through, the only thing he could muster up to say while he was fucking high was "how you've been?" and give me 2 pecks on my cheeks.what the fuck is that? and yet even after all this, i still can't forget the past. i simply can't forget. i can't move on. i can't live. yeah, we do live everyday because we simply have no choice. but deep down inside somewhere within me where no one can get to me, i yearn to forget. at the same time, i long for someone, anyone only because i want to forget. i want to drown out those sorrows but in the end, do i really want to forget it all?

invisible

i read an unusual post. it did not make sense yet it did at the same time. it made me realize something: that humans can never change. everyone has their own opinions. you can't change that. just reading that post made me want to know more... to know more about someone particular. he is so unusual. he's not like the typical guy. he actually thinks. he writes. he reads. he makes perfect sense out of nonsense. but you know... i simply can't..for the simple reason that were all just invisible to each other. we don't notice the person that sits beside you in the bus or the train. we walk around this dying earth not knowing the person you sit beside with. yet we talk of keeping this place alive, of keeping peace.

sarat was telling me how she hates being single while everyone else is not. well, at least all her college mates are all courting except for her. it kinda made me want to have a courtship too. but i'm scared. i want to but i'm scared of certain things i don't know how to describe. beautiful stranger, where fore art thou?why am i invisible to you?

collide

blogger was being an ass for not letting me rant the other day. but anyway, it was my 2nd last day of work at dr. ci: la bo. that japanese skincare company. we as in eewing, hanny and i learnt how to put on proper make up and not the normal eyeliner and lipgloss. we had to put on loads of stuff on our face from foundation to the different eyeshadow colours to the proper lipstick colous to use. mum says they turned me japanese. the lady that taught us how to makeup is from japan..they are really nice people..they help us a lot..i like the way they speak too..it's so nice to hear them speak..haha..this reminds me of that song, turning japanese from the vapors i think..some 80's song..haha..i was introduced to all kinds of music in my family. i listen to the 60s because of my grandparents..80s because of my parents and their siblings and to today's music.im not really a rap fan but i like alternative, indie, and other random music..i think the underground bands in malaysia are coming up. thats a good sign but because malaysia is the hub of piracy it is so unlikely that their albums be sold here at all..haha..yeah well..life's never been fair..i bought a black tube dress with silver, gold, and black sequins all over from miss selfridge today..after 20% off, it was 186 rm..not too bad right? with the whole sequins work and all..yes yes i am convincing myself that it is but just go with me ok?..im going to kuala lipis tomorrow with daddy, sean, damien and ah yeah..were going to the place were my grandfather was born..thank god it's a day trip..what can we actually do there anyway??..anyway yeah..were just going so we know of our heritage..to know ah yeh's life when he was young and all that..reminising old times..kinda nice in a historical sorta way...like how the history of human kind is based...
we collide..

and what is a lie?

Tis' but the truth in masquerade..

the famous qoute from the famous Don Juan..

i love that qoute..it captures the reality of the truth..you want to hear the truth..you want proof that it exists..but what really is the truth?you have all the proof you can get..you have facts to back it up..but what you see aint always what you get..

i had fun today..it was my 2nd day working at Dr Ci: La bo.. this japanese skincare booth in isetan, the gardens..its not too bad..yoko - the one that hired us - is a really nice japanese girl..she's so sweet..hehe..she is so nice..everything is so flexible with her..hanny and i finished work at 4 but we waited til 8 but more like 9 for her to finish and then to have dinner!..with kishen, eugene and a part of their basketball clan..they lost 4 games and won 1 game so far...luck goes out to them...hahahahha...we had dinner somewhere in kuchai in some mamak..then we headed to hartamas's uncle don's..we shishaed..we as in joh and i..hahaha...wing had some nose problem and hanny was well..plain sleepy i think..and tired..we had fun..thats for sure..

my dad will be back on the 8th..which is 3 days from now...were going to bangkok on the 23rd..and he's leaving on the 29th....thank god for that!...you all might think i am mean..but you just dont know certain things..he's just one person thats hard to deal with..thats kinda why january is my worse month of the year..and december being my best..with my birthday, christmas and new years..i have that whole month to let loose before i am confined to his rules..

good night.

2008 baby!

so here we are in the year 2008..do i feel different? well, not really..but i sure in hell feel goood thinking of all the memories that 2007 has brought..sure there's been ups and downs but heck, whats life without them..i met a lot of new friends from college..i still keep in touch with my school buddies..i have a family who i love and cherish..i have...well...a lot of things many people around the world don't have..so this 2008, i'm not asking for anything but for peace, joy, love for all...like how i am blessed with always..happy new year everybody..

loves..